im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
