There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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