obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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