Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
