Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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