People in love make me want to vomit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
