I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
