I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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