What a fucking waste of an outfit
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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