I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
