Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize