I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
