Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
