Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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