Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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