Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
