taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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