2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
