If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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