I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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