for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
