good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im holly from the hills drunk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
