I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
