i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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