I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize