haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is the high leading the old right now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
