I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
