you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
