When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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