He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I forget how to act sober
Randomize