new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
