I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
