But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
