If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
