you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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