its not stalking. its research.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
