As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
