What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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