Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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