You don't have asthma, your pregnant
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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