You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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