I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
