Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
