Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
