She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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