Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I touched a dick in church today
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
