At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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