i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
