and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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