Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
40s are totally the cure
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I party with great urgency now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
