im about as happy as oj after his trial
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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