He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
