We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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