Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
