And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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