I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
