Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
