I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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