I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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