I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
