I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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