I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's the barista slut.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
