Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
