I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
