Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
