I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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