Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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