Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
