Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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