I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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