I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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