Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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