I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
