I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
