So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
