you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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